If It's Not Helpful, Then It's Not Helpful

Strong feelings are a clue that the habits of our emotional response and the habits of our organizational or interpersonal systems are being challenged. 

Feeling out of control of a situation can take us to the sideshow; where we blame others, become fascinated with our victimization and give up responsibility for our actions. 

I find that having a personal stance on a post-it or somewhere else that I can see each day can really help support my intentions around how I deal with the stress of difficult people, transition, confusion and workload. I've had personal stance for years that goes, “If it’s not helpful, then it’s not helpful. “ Whenever I'm feeling burdened or upset, I have a choice about how to respond. 

If I think my response will be helpful, that's great! And if it's not helpful, then it's not helpful. I should choose another response.

 It's important to remember that helping me feel better or justified in my position or frustration does not necessarily meet the criteria for "helpful" to the organization or situation. Better to save processes that help you feel better for someone who has agreed to the role of making you feel better. Being able to access my stance helps keep me committed to productive conversations and helps avoid the sideshow. And yes, I definitely slip up....I'm human.