Leadership and Self Deception

We all contribute to some dysfunction in the systems in which we operate. 

A few weeks ago I ran into a colleague at a nonprofit who offered an insight that I also found very valuable. She said “Behind every dysfunction there’s something about it that works for people. If that weren’t the case, it wouldn’t have the word ‘function’ in it.”

I can only access a few examples of how I’ve deceived my intentions for my own leadership. Others probably have a more robust picture of all of my blind spots.  A few blind spots and historical examples of self-deciet have stayed with me as I think about staff development, efficiencies and morale across other organizations I work in or am a part of.

In my previous job I felt strongly that I should stay connected to all my colleagues. For five years I worked with a group that resided in what we called “Cube City.” It was the main cluster of cubicles in the office. When I got an office (that I sheepishly accepted) I started to betray my intentions to stay connected by not stopping by to say “hello” each morning. Once in that habit, I actually started to tell myself that they probably resented me for having an office anyway. 

Once I had accepted that idea as reality, I avoided them and felt ashamed for what was being afforded to me. In that “box,” I believed I was better off not staying connected. Perhaps my co-workers didn’t like me. Perhaps I didn’t like them! I resolved that it didn’t matter because I had an opportunity to reinforce my identity as an independent kind of worker who minds her own business.

I’ve come to understand that my “in the box” practices have included: sending emails to deliver hard news when I could be making a phone call, not sharing what I’m worried about, avoiding people I need to learn from, and the typical blaming for behavior that I see as consistently below standard - according to my standards.

I also learned that one of my strengths, my ability to use humor, can also be a signifier of stress or tension that I am experiencing. 

I’ve learned that the right questions are the key to any real productive intervention - and I’m predisposed to pose questions that I think I know the answer to. 

I also believe that when we are mistreating ourselves, we are often mistreating others out of spite. And so I believe that honoring one’s intentions and avoiding self-betrayal includes honoring one’s own needs and creativity as a whole person. 

There’s something about creative processes as what they stir in people that is worth exploring. Through my work I’m learning to re-nurture an affinity for art and my belief in its transformative qualities is influencing my approach to organizational development and meeting design.