We know that when someone is reckless in their emotional reactivity, it damages relationships and has a huge impact on the organizational system. Recovering from the impact of emotionally reactive comments can take months and sometimes even years.
In trying to manage my own reactivity, I’ve noticed how easy it is to slip into when someone is “jokingly” name-calling either myself or a colleague or finding people to blame for a circumstance.
This kind of behavior happens everywhere.
Managing emotional reactivity in favor of empathetic responses, one can model the leadership and respect for others that makes for happier organizational systems. Earlier last week I was on a conference call with a group of peers in a volunteer organization that I help lead. Another leader of the group on the call felt that our non-leader volunteers (on the call) had not made adequate progress on an initiative and she expressed frustration at the other members of the group on the call saying, “So what you are telling me is that no one has done anything?… I’m sorry you guys are wasting my time.” I could feel an anger reaction coming on. I saw her comments as disrespectful and not aligned with how I believe we should treat volunteers of our organization.
I tried to manage my emotions on the call and I called her separately on her cell phone as soon as the call was over. She continued to express frustration with the pace of our work. I said, “You seemed very frustrated on the call.” Which she agreed. I said “When you told the other members of the group that they were wasting your time- it sounded shaming. And it’s not helpful.” ( My emotional reaction went something more like “Are you out of your #$&#% mind? Who do you think you are!!??”) I do think the message was better-received while managing the emotional reaction. She agreed that she was feeling overwhelmed and would never want to behave in a way that was counter-productive. On her own she eventually decided to write an apology to the members of the group.
In trying to manage my own reactivity, I’ve noticed how easy it is to slip into when someone is “jokingly” name-calling either myself or a colleague or finding people to blame for a circumstance.
This kind of behavior happens everywhere.
Managing emotional reactivity in favor of empathetic responses, one can model the leadership and respect for others that makes for happier organizational systems. Earlier last week I was on a conference call with a group of peers in a volunteer organization that I help lead. Another leader of the group on the call felt that our non-leader volunteers (on the call) had not made adequate progress on an initiative and she expressed frustration at the other members of the group on the call saying, “So what you are telling me is that no one has done anything?… I’m sorry you guys are wasting my time.” I could feel an anger reaction coming on. I saw her comments as disrespectful and not aligned with how I believe we should treat volunteers of our organization.
I tried to manage my emotions on the call and I called her separately on her cell phone as soon as the call was over. She continued to express frustration with the pace of our work. I said, “You seemed very frustrated on the call.” Which she agreed. I said “When you told the other members of the group that they were wasting your time- it sounded shaming. And it’s not helpful.” ( My emotional reaction went something more like “Are you out of your #$&#% mind? Who do you think you are!!??”) I do think the message was better-received while managing the emotional reaction. She agreed that she was feeling overwhelmed and would never want to behave in a way that was counter-productive. On her own she eventually decided to write an apology to the members of the group.
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